The Paradox of Freedom
As I child, I couldn’t wait to grow up because I wanted to be free.
Free from the rules.
Free from social norms.
Free to live my life as I pleased.
Free to do and undo.
Free. Free. Free.
I just wanted to be free.
I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago, and safe to say, I qualify as an adult-adult now. Unfortunately, I was caught up with birthday blues because my reality did not match my childhood expectations for this very adult age I just turned.
I had to do a lot of soul-searching over the past couple of weeks to discover why, despite having everything any proper functioning adult should have, I was discontent and dissatisfied with the quality of life I was living.
And I realised, instead of getting freer the older I got, the more constrained I have become. My freedom and independence have been handed to me on a platter of gold but I am constrained, by responsibilities, duties, and other similar obligations, to hold myself to a higher standard in order to be a true example.
This realisation brought a lot of disillusionment with it because I discovered that even though I am free to do as I please in every sense of the word, I cannot, will not, and daily choose not to do as I please. This is because I must be accountable to the people who love me and are rooting for me. I must be accountable to the higher version of myself that will emerge if I stay on this path. I must let go of my freedom to become all that I need to be and all that my world needs me to be.
It’s a sobering reality, but it is a reality that I have to come to grips with.
